Social Culture
Being a parent is hard work. This is especially when your teachings and lessons are not the only avenues for your children to learn. Also, there will inevitably be new situations your child encounters in which they may be unsure of how to navigate. As such, we decided to do a series on Social Culture. Here you will be able to find tips to help you maneuver the world inside and outside of your home. We would love to hear how these tools and tips are working for you once you have implemented them (info@2motherhens.com).
**Consistency is one of the most important aspects of effective parenting**
Welcome to the another installment of the SOCIAL CULTURE series:
Parenting By Guilt and Insecurity Pt. 2
Impact of Parent Guilt
Parental guilt is common. However, allowing these feelings to overrule rational thought and decision-making is unhealthy. Parenting guilt can lead to inconsistent discipline, weakened authority, and internalized feelings of inadequacy.
Children absorb the qualities and behaviors of their parents. They apply these learned beliefs to their own lives as they age and mature. Therefore, parents should prioritize remaining aware of their thoughts, emotions, and verbal and non-verbal communication.
How It Can Impact Children
As stated previously, an insecure parent can have an impact on their child and their development and it is important to know what the impact is so that it can work to motivate a parent to get the help that they need. There are numerous ways that an insecure parent impacts a child and their self-esteem and confidence and it should be enough to make any parent want to work on themselves.
An insecure parent can cause a child to carry higher loads of stress. That could be due to the constant validation that they have to give their parent. They may feel like they are responsible for their parents’ happiness. This is a lot for a small child to carry. It can also cause a child to have problems navigating their own emotions. A child with an insecure parent may need to always put on a ‘happy face’ so that their parent feels like they are always doing a good job. This can make it hard for them to learn how to express and show true emotions when they are in adulthood.
Additional Possible Impacts of Parenting Guilt:
- Low self-esteem and confidence in children: Receiving little to no parental affection may lead to low self-esteem and a lack of confidence in children.
- Decreased ability to be present for children: Those struggling with parental guilt may lose focus and belief in their parenting skills. They may find it challenging to remain present with their children when overwhelmed by anxiety, stress, or feelings of imperfection. Any time a parent is on a guilt or shame spiral, it impacts their ability to be present with their children and just enjoy their company.
- Overcompensating for shortcomings: Parental guilt may lead parents to overcompensate for perceived flaws. This behavior may result in spoiling a child or setting unrealistic expectations for themselves to counteract their negative self-beliefs. Often, parents will compensate for their guilt and lack of presence with their children by giving them more material or financial reparation to assuage their guilt and provide tangible proof of their love.
- Needing constant reassurance: Parents dealing with guilt may seek affirmation from others to confirm their competence. This can exacerbate anxiety and fear of judgment about their parenting skills. Parents may seek emotional reassurance from their children that they are doing things right. For instance, they may frequently tell their kids how guilty they feel and their children may have to provide emotional reassurance.
- Hesitancy to provide discipline: Parental guilt can create an aversion to healthy punishment as parents may fear causing their children distress or worry about being perceived as a ‘bad parent.’
- Feelings of failure: Guilt-ridden parents often internalize their perceived mistakes leading to a pervasive sense of self-disappointment that negatively impacts their confidence. Some parents might suffer from significantly lower self-worth as they view themselves as failures in the jobs they once were able to complete with ease as well as in their new roles as parents.
- Permissive parenting behavior: To avoid potentially guilt-inducing confrontations, parents might adopt a permissive parenting style which could lead to a lack of boundaries or discipline for the child. Parents may be more permissive with their children or be afraid to set consequences out of fear of losing their connection to their kids.
- Relationship conflicts: Parenting guilt may also contribute to tension in personal relationships, including those with spouses, family members, and friends, due to feeling misunderstood or judged about parenting choices.
Who Is More Susceptible to Parental Guilt?
Parental guilt is a common phenomenon experienced by many parents in different stages of parenthood. However, certain groups of parents may be more susceptible to this emotion due to various personal, social, or economic reasons.
Parents Who May Be More Susceptible to Parenting Guilt:
New Parents
New parents must negotiate these dual roles for the first time. The tension between the roles often tends to feel heavier with the first child. New parents often experience a great deal of uncertainty and stress making them more susceptible to feelings of guilt. A person may feel like a bad parent if they perceive their actions or inactions as detrimental to their child’s well-being.
Juggling sleepless nights, adjusting to a new parental- role, and learning the intricacies of childcare can be overwhelming. As a result, parents may frequently make mistakes or feel inadequately equipped to handle different situations. New parents tend to internalize their perceived shortcomings and judge themselves more harshly contributing to parental guilt.
Parents With Limited Resources & Support
Parents with limited resources and support face unique challenges compared to more privileged groups. Parents with fewer resources often work long hours or multiple jobs to be able to provide financially for their children. However, when they are working, they tend to experience feelings of guilt for not being physically and emotionally present with them.
Some parents may struggle to provide their children with food, clothing, and education or lack access to comprehensive healthcare, further exacerbating their guilt. These parents may also experience a sense of isolation as they navigate parenting challenges without adequate support from family, friends, or social services.
Single Parents
People who are the sole breadwinner and sole caretakers face more pressure to make sacrifices in either their professional or parental roles. Single parents are also more likely to come face-to-face with the limits of their capacity to fulfill each role and must make difficult decisions. Single parents often carry the entire burden of parenting alone as they handle child-rearing responsibilities, household chores, and financial obligations. These factors can lead to a perpetual state of exhaustion and stress making single parents more susceptible to parental guilt.
Single parents may struggle to balance their work and personal life. This could negatively impact the quality of time spent with their children. They may also regret being unable to provide their children with a dual-parent support system causing them to overcompensate in other aspects of their children’s lives. Inconsistent parenting practices contribute to additional stress as they attempt to make up for perceived shortcomings.
References:
- https://www.choosingtherapy.com/parental-guilt/
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/healthy-connections/201109/are-you-guilty-parent
- https://www.verywellmind.com/parent-guilt-causes-characteristics-and-coping-strategies-6746224
- https://www.moms.com/how-handle-parental-insecurity/
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