Issue: May 2024
May is Mental Health Awareness Month!
As the month continues will we be highlighting the importance of mental health. If you are in need of support don’t be afraid to reach out. Remember, we are all in this together!
Balance
Being a parent is hard work. We know that balancing everything life has to offer can be a challenge. As such we decided to do a series on Balance. Here you will be able to find tips to help you balance life a little better. We would love to hear how these tools and tips are working for you once you have implemented them (info@2motherhens.com).
**Consistency is one of the most important aspects of effective parenting**
Welcome to the ninth installment of the BALANCE series:
How to Cope and Self Care through Divorce Pt. 1
Changes that occur during the process of divorce make our life absolutely chaotic or feel like we’re adrift in the ocean without a tether. Both our inner and outer life change and nothing is like it used to be. Taking care of yourself is paramount and sometimes very hard to do – especially since it is so easy to lose your orientation in this flow and forget about what is really important. Therefore, here are some tips to pay attention to while going through the process:
1. Get Your Basic Needs Met
Always remember to focus on basic needs like quality sleep and healthy eating. Despite how obvious and simplistic this statement is, these are usually the first things that suffer when people go through an emotionally challenging time. Therefore, it’s important to pay special attention to them during this time. Sleep and food help your body deal with stress and help you adapt to changes in your life.
2. Personal Care Tasks Matter
Divorce is a huge change and through this difficult time, personal care (brushing teeth, bathing, changing clothes, cutting hair, etc.) can be placed by the wayside because it seems like a non-factor compared to the pain of the divorce. However, you should not neglect yourself. As such, it is important to continue with your personal care routine. Get up in the morning, brush your teeth, shave, iron your clothes, and make your bed. This is especially important when you have kids. You are their role model and they are looking to you to figure out how to better handle themselves through tough times and show them that you are able to handle situations. Your appearance is the first thing that tells them about this. If during this time period you find yourself not being able to complete certain tasks due to not having the energy or time for it then delegate them to other people. You can ask friends and family for help or you can get a housekeeper or nanny as you learn to take on the additional responsibilities after the divorce.
3. Don’t Use Substances to Deal With Pain
It’s very common for people dealing with a difficult period in their life to turn to vices like alcohol, drugs, overworking, or sex to ease the pain and reduce stress. These short-term solutions may feel like a good choice and can let you forget/ignore the pain of the divorce for a period of time, but long-term, it will only create more problems and lead to issues such as substance abuse. Be attentive about what you do and don’t let denial drag you into addiction-related issues. Constantly hiding from reality will only make your problems bigger and obstacles feel more insurmountable. Effort should be made to keep your thinking clear and improve your life step by step.
4. Know the Dangerous Signs
As a stressful event, divorce results in the presence of negative feelings like grief, loss, and pain and makes for a hard time in your life. It’s absolutely normal to go through all these feelings but there are some signs of danger you should be aware of and ask for help immediately if you notice them in yourself. They include:
- Addictions – drinking, drug abuse, gambling, “workaholism”, casual sex
- Depression – when you are in a dark mood constantly for more than two weeks in a row, you have no energy or desire to complete even basic everyday tasks, there is nothing that brings you joy or happiness
- Anxiety when there is no reason for it as well as panic attacks
- Problems with sleeping – you sleep too much or don’t sleep at all
- Eating disorders – you eat too much or don’t eat anything, you are obsessed with your diet and weight
- Thoughts of suicide or hurting yourself
- Abusive behavior
- Health problems that can’t be explained
In all these cases or if you have any other concerns, contact a therapist or your doctor to prevent possible problems and get treatment, if necessary.
5. Physical Activity Helps
Physical exercising stimulates the production of hormones and neurotransmitters including endorphins, serotonin and dopamine, which lower anxiety and make you feel happier. Therefore, it can help mitigate stress and feelings of sadness. To achieve a positive effect, you can workout for 20-30 minutes/ everyday or 50 minutes/ 3x week. Choose an activity that you enjoy like a dance class or walking in the park. You can choose any activity you like – gym, aerobics, dancing, sports, jogging, or even taking a walk during your lunch break. However, do not overdo it. Doing too much exercise can cause stress and can lead to more negative consequences.
6. Make a Schedule and Follow It
When everything around you changes, seems untethered and out of your control, it is immensely important for your emotional well-being to have stability in your life. Therefore, make a schedule for yourself. This can include the time you wake up, your activities for the day and when you go to sleep. Schedules can help you feel autonomous and in control of your life. This can help you mentally improve. When your body gets used to this schedule it can also help you physically feel better.
7. Take Some Time for Yourself
The schedule you create should have one very important point on it – time that you devote to you and you only. It doesn’t matter what you do: you can lie in a bathtub with bubbles for an hour, or meditate, or just listen to music with your phone turned off. The point is that you will have time to think and reflect on all the changes happening in your life and concentrate on your feelings and conclusions you can make.
8. Set Time for Grieving
You are going through a lot and so many changes are happening. It is easy to ignore the emotional toll the divorce has on you and just acknowledging the loss that comes along with divorce. As such, schedule time for grieving. Pick and time where you can allow yourself to experience all your negative feelings fully and deeply. Choose the moment and give yourself 15 or 20 minutes to feel sad, angry, disappointed, etc. In that moment, release that energy by screaming, crying, or in a way to address that pain until you’ve had enough of it. These moments can help especially if these feelings surface in different places like work or the supermarket, for example.
9. Know Your Weak Spots
The negative feelings of divorce will be prevalent at different parts of the year, when encountering certain places, or even when certain memories are triggered. Identify these situations, times, or spaces and think about how best to handle them. If it’s a place, you can avoid the place for a while or invite new people to go to that place with you so you can build new memories or associations there. If it is an item, you can place it out of sight until you feel it is the right time to take it out or you can give it away. If it is a certain holiday or time of the year, which is an especially rough time for people going through divorce, you can make plans to spend this time with loved ones so you feel supported and cared for. However, you do not need to rush into anything or put undue pressure on yourself. If you don’t feel like celebrating anything then that is fine.
10. Make a Plan for the Future
When you were married, you most likely had a plan for the future that included your partner. Now this plan is no longer possible or it can feel like there is no future for you at all. You need to recreate it by building a new plan for your life.
Think about what you want to do and where you want to be in a month, in a year, in 5 or 10 years. Describe the life you want to live in as many details as you can, giving specific descriptions. Make it concrete. The more detailed your plan is, the better. It will give you a sense of perspective and help visualize your goals and the resources you need to make all your dreams become a plan that comes true.
11. Make Other Changes in Your Life
Everyone would like to change or improve one thing in their life. As humans, we aim to develop, grow, and evolve more than we did the previous day. We are also aware of things in our life that may be a barrier to this change. However, you’ve already gone through a huge change that was so hard and guess what, you survived it. Use this as a springboard to change something else that you’ve been thinking about or wanting to do.
It might be moving to a new place, changing the country or city you live in, getting a new job, or changing your style/image. If you’ve wanted to do it then don’t hold back. This change can also be a new start, help you to move on with your life and help deal with the results of the divorce.
12. Write It All Down
Even if your divorce is a peaceful one, you and your former spouse made the rational decision not to live together anymore but stay friends, you will have some negative feelings. Divorce is always a goodbye to something: your plans, dreams, expectations, a person who was a part of your life for a long time. There is always a place for sadness, anger, resentment or other unpleasant feelings. You can’t pretend that you feel nothing or suppress your feelings. There is a better way to deal with them.
Start a diary or journal and write down everything that comes to your mind, how you feel and what you think about your separation. It will serve a few purposes: you will be able to process what is happening inside of you, distance yourself from arising feelings, structure your thoughts, keep your children from having to observe this emotional wave and last but not least – come back to your notes later to see how your state has improved over time and what you learned from going through your divorce.
13. Breathe and Meditate
Deep breathing and meditation are helpful ways to clear up and sort through the disarray going on in your mind and soul and to disconnect from outside events that are causing you stress. It helps calm down your feelings, concentrate on what’s important, sharpen your mind and make you feel safe and stable. Even if we do not emotionally feel okay, deep, calming breaths give our body a signal that we are calm and safe. When your body is not in a state of fight or flight, you are able to be more reasonable, make sound decisions, and better deal with stress which is exactly what you need during the difficult season in your life.
Summer Camp Corner
As summer approaches we will be highlighting summer camps that we will be partnering with to enrich the lives of children.
Camp Strong4Life
For: Kids ages 8 to 12, with a BMI at or above the 85th percentile.
When: Sunday, June 9, through Friday, June 14
Location: Camp Twin Lakes – Rutledge, 1391 Keencheefoonee Rd, Rutledge, GA 30663
Website: https://www.strong4life.com/en/camp
Application: https://redcap.choa.org/redcap/surveys/?s=EYL3TXDFHJREDX8D
Note: What is needed for the application:
- Medical form signed by a clinician
- Immunization records
- Medical insurance card (if applicable)
- $50 registration fee (Please note: Financial scholarships and payment plans are available for eligible campers).
Donations
Mother Hen is passionately committed to lending a helping hand to the underserved within the communities we serve. We are appreciative of any and all donations provided here. These donations will be used in entirety to provide services for underserved families as well as fulfill other specific outreach needs.
Outreach Initiatives:
- Community If your business would like to become a corporate sponsor and join us in supporting the community, please contact us directly.
- Family ServicesYour family service donation will directly help a family receive professional parental coaching sessions or services in navigating the school system to get the proper accommodations for their child to succeed academically.
- Corporate SponsorIf your business would like to become a corporate sponsor and join us in supporting the community, please contact us directly.