Social Culture
Being a parent is hard work. This is especially when your teachings and lessons are not the only avenues for your children to learn. Also, there will inevitably be new situations your child encounters in which they may be unsure of how to navigate. As such, we decided to do a series on Social Culture. Here you will be able to find tips to help you maneuver the world inside and outside of your home. We would love to hear how these tools and tips are working for you once you have implemented them (info@2motherhens.com).
** Consistency is one of the most important aspects of effective parenting **
Welcome to the another installment of the SOCIAL CULTURE series:
Parenting By Guilt and Insecurity Pt. 3
How To Build That Confidence
Even parents who feel they are secure should always work on their confidence building. There are some great and easy ways that everyone can work on feeling more secure in themselves and their parenting choices. According to the magazine, Parents, one of the best ways to feel more confident is to start acting like it. It is amazing how easy your mental confidence can build when you just start displaying confident behavior. Therefore, follow the old adage, “FAKE IT ‘TIL YOU MAKE IT!”
Parental guilt can heal and be resolved with compassion and time. It lessens when shared out in the open and with understanding.
Coping With Parent Guilt
You can challenge parenting guilt in many ways. Here are 12 tips for challenging parenting guilt:
1. Turn Off the Noise in Your Head
Practice positive self-talk and tell yourself you are a good parent whenever you have self-doubting thoughts. If you notice unhelpful thoughts that are making you feel guilty, make a conscious effort to reframe them in a more positive manner. For instance, instead of feeling guilty while you’re at work, tell yourself, “I am working to support my child.” Remind yourself how great of a parent you are to your children.
2. Consistency Is Key
Establish clear rules and maintain consistency. Children are good at testing your limits, studying your patterns, and using your behavior to their advantage. However, most childhood problems are not within the child but the family unit. Therefore, the family dynamics must shift to change a child’s behavior. Be firm and consistent even when your child tries to convince you to think otherwise.
3. Learn What Triggers Your Parenting Guilt
Recognizing the specific situations or emotions that trigger your parenting guilt is crucial. Assess past instances of regret or shame and attempt to identify the underlying causes–self-reflection can help you understand these patterns. Once you have pinpointed your stressors, you can actively work on establishing coping mechanisms and strategies to modify your reactions or avoid these guilt-inducing situations altogether.
4. Find Your Balance and Recalibrate Your Expectations
Evaluate if you are being too extreme with your measures. Recognize when to be strict versus when to be more flexible. Become involved when necessary and sit back a bit when you can. This balance allows you to practice better discipline and healthy boundaries with your children. The clearer your boundaries, the more high-functioning your family will become. There may be certain things you aren’t able to do due to constraints on your time and energy. Recalibrating your expectations and accepting the limits of what you can do can help you feel less guilty.
5. Take Time for Yourself
Parenting is a full-time job but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to dedicate time to yourself. Self-care and disconnecting from your parenting responsibilities momentarily can be so refreshing. It helps you gain confidence, improve your mood, and challenge parenting guilt. Try to give yourself occasional breaks, to recharge your batteries. You can either take 10 minutes to yourself every day or take a day or night off once in a while.
6. Don’t Be Afraid to Talk to Someone
You are not alone! Instead of isolating yourself, find a supportive community of friends and family members to lean on. Ask for their help when you need it. Don’t feel ashamed to reach out to supportive friends, family, or your partner when you feel overwhelmed—you could even find a parenting support group. Saying things out loud is very cathartic and helps alleviate tension and stress.
7. Seek Out Therapy
If you find that you’re unable to cope and frequently experience feelings of guilt, despair, depression, or anxiety, seek out therapy to help manage your mindset and find a better balance in your life. It’s also possible your parental guilt stems from unresolved childhood issues. Seeing a therapist will help you process those past issues, learn better parenting skills, and become a more confident and efficient parent.
8. Focus on Staying Present
Actively pay attention to your child, their needs, and your interactions with them. Being present helps you react to situations thoughtfully rather than succumbing to feelings of guilt and making impulsive decisions. Practicing mindful parenting and engaging in activities that require your undivided attention such as meditation or journaling. These can help you strengthen your presence of mind.
9. Avoid Comparing Yourself to Other Parents
It is also important to be aware of who you are surrounding yourself with. It is easy to fall into the mommy-comparing trap and mom groups, both in-person and online. These can be dangerous places for an insecure parent. You will find yourself comparing your baby to theirs and your parenting to that of the other parent. It is important to recognize if this is a healthy environment for you and to leave if it is not. However, comparing yourself to other parents worsens feelings of guilt and inadequacy. Therefore it is a fruitless exercise. When you engage in this behavior, remember that everyone’s situation is unique and social media often presents curated, idealized versions of reality. Focus on your own parenting journey and celebrate the progress and accomplishments you make along the way. Instead, it may be helpful to join a support group of parents with similar circumstances as they may be a source of advice, inspiration, experience, and support.
10. Take Breaks When You Can
Parenting can be an all-consuming responsibility so grant yourself occasional breaks to recharge physically and mentally. Regular parent ‘time-outs’ can help you maintain a healthy perspective and prevent burnout from contributing to parental guilt. Whether it’s pursuing a hobby, practicing self-care, or spending time with friends, taking time for yourself can reduce stress and improve your overall well-being which in turn will positively impact your parenting.
11. Apologize to Your Child
Yes, it’s ok to apologize to your child for a mistake you made, especially if you feel guilty about it. No one is perfect. Just as you would like for your child to apologize to you, it is important that you should also do the same. Remember, you lead by example.
12. Remember There Is No One Way to Parent
Remind yourself that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. The techniques that work for one family may not be suitable for another. Each child has unique needs and your parenting style should adapt to meet those needs. Recognize you will make mistakes and that slip-ups are a normal part of parenting. Embrace the experience as a learning opportunity and continually strive to improve. Acknowledge your progress and praise yourself for the effort you put into raising your child.
Do have compassion for yourself and your parenting journey. The goal is “good enough” – not perfection. Children need some challenges and frustrations to become healthy functioning adults. Remember to stand back and look at ourselves and our children as complex human beings. It is obvious that we are all imperfect, unpredictable, inconsistent, driven by heredity and environment, as well as resilient, and capable of change.
The key is to focus on the process of parenting which boils down to loving, guiding, and reassuring children instead of focusing on the outcome or how they turn out. Learning how to do this will ease the pressure of guilt and will help all of us to accept children as they are and to gradually let go of your role of parenting once they reach adulthood.
References:
- https://www.choosingtherapy.com/parental-guilt/
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/healthy-connections/201109/are-you-guilty-parent
- https://www.verywellmind.com/parent-guilt-causes-characteristics-and-coping-strategies-6746224
- https://www.moms.com/how-handle-parental-insecurity/
🌟 Join Our Mommy and Me Session! 🌟
Are you looking to strengthen the bond between you and your little one? Our Mommy and Me sessions offer the perfect opportunity to connect, learn, and grow together in a nurturing environment.
Led by a post-doctoral psychology fellow with a doctorate in child psychology, these sessions are designed to:
- Enhance your child’s emotional and social development
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- Create lasting memories through fun, interactive activities
- Connect with other mothers who are going through similar experiences as you and build community.
Whether you’re a new mom or have been on this journey for a while, our sessions provide valuable insights and support tailored to your needs. Have questions or concerns about some of your children’s behaviors? We will be in position to share valuable insights that will give you greater perspective.
Please make sure you send all your pertinent questions ahead of time to confirm that we will address them at the event.
📅 When: October 5, 2024, 9 AM-11 AM
📍 Where: Wonderful World Coffee and Tea,
6 Olive St., Avondale Estates, GA 30002
*Coffee and light bites will be served*
Spaces are limited so reserve your spot today!
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