Issue: February 2024
Balance
Being a parent is hard work. We know that balancing everything life has to offer can be a challenge. As such we decided to do a series on Balance. Here you will be able to find tips to help you balance life a little better. We would love to hear how these tools and tips are working for you once you have implemented them (info@2motherhens.com).
**Consistency is one of the most important aspects of effective parenting**
Welcome to the sixth installment of the BALANCE series:
Overprogramming Our Children
As parents, it’s natural to want to expose our children to as many opportunities and interests as possible. However, with additional classes or sports practice, the competing expectations of school and extracurriculars can result in a jam-packed schedule that leaves little or no space for downtime and self-care. When this happens, our children are at risk of becoming overprogrammed which means that their busy schedules are too demanding for them.
What is Overprogramming?
For children, having active interests outside of school has been shown to enrich children’s lives. Studies have shown that participating in organized activities during adolescence reduces the chance of them engaging in risky behaviors.
However, scheduling too many extracurricular activities can also have a detrimental effect on a child’s well-being. Overprogramming or overscheduling are terms to describe when the pressure of managing competing responsibilities results in stress and anxiety.
An overprogrammed child may begin to have strong reactions to an activity they previously enjoyed. This could show up in two extremes: them taking their extracurricular activities too seriously or not wanting to go at all.
The point at which a child becomes overprogrammed differs from child to child. While some kids might feel energized by a busy schedule, others might feel depleted by taking a couple of extra classes a week. Importantly, it is important to pay close attention to your child’s response to their commitments and focus less on how many commitments they have.
As such, it’s extremely necessary to stay vigilant to the signs that your child could be feeling the pressure of their busy schedule.
Signs Your Child Is Overprogrammed
Some of the early signals that a child’s schedule is impacting their wellbeing include:
- A reluctance to participate
- Regularly missing mealtimes with family
- Disrupted sleep
- Falling behind at school
- A changes in mood or less motivation to engage in previously enjoyable activities
- Physical symptoms (e.g., stomach aches or headaches)
- Feeling restless or distracted
- Tantrums (for younger children)When this overprogramming happens, a child may find it hard to function under the weight of their competing commitments.
Drawbacks of Being Overprogrammed
Risk of Developing Anxiety
Anxiety is the feeling of having worried thoughts, fear, or uneasiness. It happens when the fight, flight, freeze response is activated in the nervous system. You may find that many times your child complains about going to or doesn’t show an excitement for the activity he is in. When this happens, your child’s fight, flight, freeze response is ignited, that inner engine is revving, and he or she is in a constant anxious state.
While this is a balance of helping your child manage normal anxieties, if you find yourself constantly forcing your child to go to certain activities, it may be time to quit altogether, limit the number of activities, or at least take a break. The goal is to try to reach a level of balance for the well-being of all.
Inability to Self-Soothe
When time is always accounted for, then there is no time to waste. This may sound like a good thing but in fact, it really isn’t. Downtime is necessary to allow children to develop the ability to self-soothe, or in other words, find something to make themselves content.
Make sure you have a variety of constructive things at home like art supplies, books, games, toys and a backyard with space to move around, so when there’s downtime, your child will eventually figure out how to fill that time with positive mindful adventures.
They Become Too Dependent
If you are constantly right there by your child’s side, taking him around to this practice or that game, or this recital or that play date, then your child will become dependent on you for everything. When you do this, much like an inability to self-soothe, your child will not have the skills or confidence to do anything on his own.
Along that same vein, if your child is set to a strict schedule all the time, then he or she can become too dependent on that schedule and not know what to do when there is free time.
Drop the schedule from time-to-time while subsequently taking yourself out of the equation for a bit. This will allow your child to be self-reliant, which is a critical trait to have as a successful and happy adult.
These Can Affect You as Well
If you think that the above issues only pertain to children, think again. If you keep a rigorous schedule for your children, the same things can very well manifest themselves in you, the parent.
Anxiety will rear its ugly, motorized head when you have committed your time and money to this team or that art class and it is a constant fight for your child to go. Anxiety also comes along with fear that your child doesn’t like it or isn’t successful. And just like your child who gets acclimated to a life where each minute is spoken for, so do you.
If you feel like your life is a never-ending mode of go, go, go, consider cutting some things out, or simplifying the schedule a bit. You may find that the time goes slower, and that your longer days will give you more time to get to know each other and yourselves a little better. You may even find that you fill that time with things you never would have before, like reading together or being inside a quiet home with everybody doing their own wonderful thing.
When it comes to setting a schedule, it’s important to find the right balance for your child.
How Can I Help My Child Balance Their Schedule?
When scheduling for your child, start backwards by thinking about your non-negotiables, such as:
- Getting a good night’s sleep
- Keeping on top of homework
- Having unstructured time to relax (downtime that is not screentime)
Once you have allocated time for those, see if there is enough time left over to schedule an activity.
Unstructured downtime is crucial for children of all ages in order to recharge, while younger children learn through unstructured play.
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