Issue: May 2024 Part 2
May is Mental Health Awareness Month!
As the month continues will we be highlighting the importance of mental health. If you are in need of support don’t be afraid to reach out. Remember, we are all in this together!
If you are suicidal or in emotional distress, consider using the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Call or text 988 or chat online to connect with a trained crisis counselor. The Lifeline provides 24-hour, confidential support to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress.
Balance
Being a parent is hard work. We know that balancing everything life has to offer can be a challenge. As such we decided to do a series on Balance. Here you will be able to find tips to help you balance life a little better. We would love to hear how these tools and tips are working for you once you have implemented them (info@2motherhens.com).
**Consistency is one of the most important aspects of effective parenting**
Welcome to the tenth installment of the BALANCE series:
How to Cope and Self Care through Divorce Pt. 2
Changes that occur during the process of divorce make our lives absolutely chaotic or feel like we’re adrift in the ocean without a tether. Both our inner and outer life change and nothing is like it used to be. Taking care of yourself is paramount and sometimes very hard to do – especially since it is so easy to lose your orientation in this flow and forget about what is really important. Therefore, here are some tips to pay attention to while going through the process:
1. Keep Things Simple
It might seem like a good idea to load yourself with responsibilities and activities as much as possible so that you have no time to think about all the problems and difficulties you are going through. However, this is exactly the opposite of what you really should do. In fact, separation is a good chance to simplify your life and get rid of all the unnecessary things. You can downsize your living space, throw out old clothes and gadgets you don’t use anymore, cross out some tasks from your everyday schedule or pay back your debts. The simpler you live, the less stress you have in your life. This is exactly what you need after your divorce.
2. Praise Yourself
Divorce is a time when people are full of complex negative feelings like guilt, shame, anger, fear, anxiety, and so on. You start doubting your own value and think about what kind of person you are if such a thing happened to you. And it’s very easy to be absorbed in negative thoughts about yourself.
Therefore, you need to start praising yourself for the little things you do every day and who you are in general. Appreciate your own strength to get up in the morning despite feeling low, pay yourself a compliment for looking nice at work, remind yourself how strong and beautiful you are, etc.
3. Your Friends and Family Are There for You
Divorce often makes us feel lonely and disconnected from the outside world. Having lost a significant relationship, it’s easy to forget that there are other people in your life you can rely on. However, there are others who do care about you. Just being around them can make you feel better.
Humans are social creatures and we are not meant to be on our own, especially when we feel bad and are going through pain. Meeting your friends and family can be a salvation at these moments. These are the people that will stay by your side no matter what happens. Experiencing closeness with them, you can get back on solid ground and feel that you are not alone in this world.
Sometimes you can avoid meeting your loved ones because of embarrassment and shame or because you don’t want to burden the people you love with your problems. This is a very noble feeling but right now you are the person who needs to be taken care of. Ask yourself, ‘If my family member or close friend felt like me right now, would it bother me and would I judge them? Or would I truly want to support and help them?’ Why do you think your loved ones would think differently? Other adults around you can give you the love and support that you need now more than ever before.
4. Find a Group To Belong To
Another way to satisfy our natural need for belonging to a social community and being with other people is finding a group that you can be a part of. It could be a therapeutic group for people going through a divorce, a self-help group for single parents, a cooking class or evening dancing lessons. It should be a place where you are happy to go and there are people you enjoy being around. This type of group will give you the feeling of being a part of something bigger and something to think about other than your situation and negative feelings.
5. Choose Your Circle Carefully
You are extremely vulnerable and sensitive at this time and you shouldn’t be around toxic people who make you feel worse. You need a social circle that is safe, calm, supportive and sympathetic. The people you communicate with should be those who you trust.
Having ended one unhappy relationship may be a reason to get rid of other toxic people in your life. Now you have the experience of breaking up with a person who didn’t make your life easier and happier. Use this experience and rely on your feelings when you talk to people. If you feel that communication consumes more energy than you get from it or that you have a need to defend yourself from this person, perhaps now is not the best moment for you to communicate with them. If you feel that certain people around make you feel more energetic and positive, increase their presence in your life.
6. Talk About Your Feelings
When you have a group of safe people to talk to (or at least one trusted person), talk! You need to take that burden off your shoulder and discuss even the most irrational and wild feelings and thoughts you have. You need them all out to deal with the stresses of divorce quicker and easier.
Remember that it’s very important to talk about your feelings without blaming the other person or gossiping about them. It’s not about them; it’s about you and your need to recover from this emotional pain in your life.
The choice of people you talk to is also important. It shouldn’t be the friends you have in common with your ex and it certainly should not be your children. Your adult family members, close friends or a therapist can be the ones with whom you discuss what you have inside.
7. Get Professional Help
One of the best things a person, in general, can do to take care of their emotional state is to see a therapist to work on any psychological issues they have. Even when we are talking about routine life and everyday situations, being more aware of your feelings and the reasons for your own actions is a good thing.
This becomes especially important when we are talking about an emotionally tense and difficult time like divorce. A professional psychologist or therapist can help you through your complex feelings, give you some insight about your situation, teach you new ways of dealing with everyday stress and find a new direction in your life given that it has changed so much.
8. Whatever Makes You Happy – Do That
Divorce is one of the least enjoyable events that anyone can have in their life. At times like this, it’s very easy to forget that there will always be happiness and pleasure in life to drown out the doom and gloom. It’s very important for you to remind yourself every day that there are things that make you smile and feel warmer inside and enlighten your soul. These are the things that you should do for yourself. Make a list of whatever makes you happy (even if it’s silly cat videos on YouTube or eating ice cream at midnight) and do it! At least one thing a day that will give you positive vibes.
9. Become the Center of Your Life
In marriage, people often start thinking about themselves as halves or parts of something bigger. They make the family and their partner the center of their life. And it’s very difficult to go through a divorce in these circumstances, so you need to make yourself personally the center of your life again.
It’s not about being selfish; it’s about taking care of yourself first. Whatever task you get, think about whether or not you have resources to complete it. When you need something, think about how you could get it and who could help you. Become an active participant and creator of your own life.
10. Begin Self-Analysis and Take Responsibility
Nobody’s perfect and you might even be tempted to blame your ex-partner fully for the break-up. You shouldn’t do this though. It takes two to tango so you definitely played some sort of role in your marriage and the issues that brought it to an end. Knowing this role is vitally important for your future relationship and to avoid making the same mistakes again.
When you are ready and all the sharp emotions are gone, start analyzing your behavior and reactions and think about what you could do differently next time. It’s important to remain a bit distanced during this process and not to take or give full responsibility to one of the partners. You are not a judge or a prosecutor in this process; you are a person trying to make your life more fulfilling and become a better person after what happened to you.
11. Think About What You Gain
When you have finished living through the loss that divorce inevitably brings, you can start thinking about all the positive things you get from it. Single life has its pros too, even if you don’t see them at first. Maybe there are things you’ve always wanted but haven’t done because you were in a relationship? Or maybe it would be an optimal time for you to take care of your health, career or appearance but you gave all your energy to the family? Now you can concentrate only on yourself and make all your desires come true. Let yourself do it!
12. Give Yourself Time
This one is probably the most important on the whole list. Whatever people around you say, you can take as much (or little) time as you need to recover after your divorce. There is no such thing as a universal timeframe for divorcees; it’s all very individual and depends on many factors (your personality, the circumstances of your divorce, other responsibilities, the support you get, etc.). No one can really determine how much time you’ll need to get over it and move on.
The only person who can tell whether or not you are ready yet is YOU. Your feelings and intuition should be the only measure of how much time you need to deal with your divorce. Be patient and compassionate, observe every little change that is happening to you, and take good care of yourself.
Mother Hen is uniquely positioned and equipped to help those who are recently divorced. Utilizing our experience and expertise in this arena, we will help you put in place techniques and strategies that will have you on the way to thriving rather than merely surviving.
- Track gratitude and achievement with a journal. Include 3 things you were grateful for and 3 things you were able to accomplish each day.
- Work your strengths. Do something you’re good at to build self-confidence then tackle a tougher task.
- Show some love to someone in your life. Close, quality, relationships are key for a happy, healthy life.
- Go ahead and yawn. Studies suggest that yawning helps cool the brain and improves alertness and mental efficiency.
- Feeling stressed? Smile. It may not be the easiest thing to do, but smiling can help to lower your heart rate and calm you down.
- “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.” -Maya Angelou. If you have personal experience with mental illness or recovery, share on Twitter, Instagram and Tumblr with #mentalillnessfeelslike.
- Has something been bothering you? Let it all out…on paper. Writing about upsetting experiences can reduce symptoms of depression.
- Practice forgiveness – even if it’s just forgiving that person who cut you off during your commute. People who forgive have better mental health and report being more satisfied with their lives.
- Take time to laugh. Hang out with a funny friend, watch a comedy or check out cute videos online. Laughter helps reduce anxiety.
- Work some omega-3 fatty acids into your diet–they are linked to decreased rates of depression and schizophrenia among their many benefits. Fish oil supplements work but eating your omega-3s in foods like wild salmon, flaxseeds or walnuts also helps build healthy gut bacteria.
Derived from: https://www.mhanational.org/31-tips-boost-your-mental-health
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